Was married for five years with two kids but the marriage was was so abusive we could fight ,quarrel daily?

walked out leaving my kids with him .am staying so far right nknow but sometimes i feel i miss him,wish to talk so i use ma kids as an excuse thou he is married again.i cant get into a relationship.whenever i try it ends up not working coz many complain am to strict or act serious so i have opted for older married men with no commitment to think about but am feeling empty and lonely.no man is worthy being with coz they all remind me of ma wasted years building a home for the other woman.i feel cheated .have tried to talk with him but he is not ready and i fear he has not changed .i dont think i can stand an abusive marriege anymore but should i do am lonnely?